Tag Archives: New York City

21 Things New Yorkers Should Know About the Rest of Us

ImageMy New York friend liked the article, “21 Things You Have to Explain about New York City to Out-of-towners,” by Dave Infante, and I ran across it last night on my Facebook wall.  The article proudly told of the unique and great things that New York City offers, but it also implied that those who don’t live in the Big Apple are hicks.  It’s natural and fine to be proud of one’s city.  And I am almost certain that I am a hick.  So below are my 21 responses to Mr. Infante and his New York City readers, to show them that being a hick has advantages.

  1. South Street Seaport is completely irrelevant  I don’t know what South Street Seaport is.  I guess it is irrelevant to me, too.
  2. Nobody goes to the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, or Rockefeller Center, either  We have cultural sites out here, too.  They’re Civil War battlegrounds, historic ranches, etc…, and they’re beautiful.
  3. Yes, it’s always this loud. No, it doesn’t “bother” us  All the big cities I’ve been in are loud.  Quiet is nice, too.
  4. You have to walk faster than that  I agree with you, there.  We all have important things to do.
  5. Our bars close at 4am every night  That’s great.  I have work in the morning.
  6. Cabbies don’t take advantage of tourists  Maybe if you had your own car, you wouldn’t need a cabbie.
  7. We don’t call it the “Big Apple”, and we barely even call it “New York” or “NYC”  Sorry, I missed that one.
  8. The Italian food in Little Italy is terrible  Try San Diego’s Little Italy.  Or try searching on Yelp.
  9. Streets are short, avenues are long, and it’s a grid  OK.  Our streets aren’t paved, and there is a scrappy cat or dog lurking on every corner.
  10. Yes, it’s true: we basically all live in glorified closets  That’s too bad.
  11. Everybody jaywalks  We don’t have paved streets, so we obviously can’t afford crosswalks.
  12. That annoying TV in the back of your cab?  We like to talk to our cabbies, but only when our cars are in the shops.
  13. There’re certain times that you will not get a cab  Like if everyone’s car broke down at once?
  14. Beyond hot dogs and pretzels, do not be afraid to eat from carts  We do, everyday.  I bet your truck tacos are made with flour tortillas, topped with something fancy and unrecognizable, and cost five dollars.Image
  15. That smell? It’s piss  Gross.  We have the smells of dairies and farms, where you get all of your fresh milk, meat, fruits, and vegetables.
  16. The city is empty on Summer weekends  You’re welcome here.  We grill in our backyards in the summer.
  17. We only eat at Katz’s Delicatessen when we’ve been at one/many of these bars  To each his own.
  18. No, the Hamptons aren’t “right there”  How does anyone get there if no one has a car?
  19. Don’t talk to us about the Knicks  I won’t.  I don’t like basketball.  By the way, the Yankees didn’t even make the playoffs last year.
  20. We find absolutely nothing weird about buying groceries at a bodega  Neither do we, except here it’s called Walgreen’s, and it’s open 24 hours.  You just need a car to get there.
  21. Watch out for street-corner slush lakes  Well, if you fall in, just drive to the nearest Walgreen’s, and buy new pants and socks.  Oh yeah, no one has a car.

When New York City becomes too much for you, you are always welcome here-in Oxnard, Visalia, or any of the other great cities in America.

 

 

 

 

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